What to Do When You're Feeling Blue

Some weeks are a little tougher than others.  One week I'm all inspired and confident, and the next week I get smacked back down to reality.  Last week was one of those weeks.  I was already in kind of a mood anyway with all the crazy political business (I'm not going to get into that, don't worry).  Then there were a couple of rainy nasty days, and I missed my afternoon runs and going to the dog park.  Then I got a rejection letter for a guild I had applied to.  They were very nice about it... "many applicants... very subjective... not a reflection on you... new jury next year... please try again..."  but still, it's rejection... So then I got a returned package that I had sent to a lovely gallery in hopes that they would want to show some of my work, and by the scribbled handwritten note on my cover letter of "thanks for the information, but we're not accepting new artists at this time," my guess is that they didn't even look at my work.  Would have been nice for them to tell me that on the phone when I called so I wouldn't have to waste my time, materials, and postage, but you know, whatever.....

But stuff like that can shake your confidence a bit.  Which, for most of the artists I know, is often on shaky ground anyway.  Every couple of weeks (sometimes more) I consider quitting this business and getting a "real" job.  I mean, the thought of that makes me a little sick to my stomach, but sometimes it would be a lot easier just to go to work and come home and not have to worry about it.  Not have to put yourself out there constantly just to be told no.  I get sick of being "almost good enough."  What do I have to do to break through that barrier of "almost?"  I realize there will always be someone who is better at one thing than I am or who knows how to overcome another thing... but damn it, it gets frustrating sometimes.  And maybe the easiest thing to do would be to put this on the back burner and go get a full time job. 

But I did that.  And I hated it.  And I got nothing done.  And I felt stagnant and trapped and miserable.

So right now, even though I feel frustrated and less than confident about my work, I am not stagnant and trapped and miserable.  I'm still hopeful.  I still believe that there are all kinds of possibilities out there.  I just have to challenge myself.  I have to figure out how to break through the "almost" to the "awesome."  And it's going to take a shit-ton of hard work and pushing myself, even when I feel like quitting.  And I'm going to consider quitting again.  But then I'll go read The Alchemist and remember, "The secret of life is to fall seven times, and to get up eight times."  I'll look at my pinboard Words to Live By and all the little inspirational quotes I've pinned up for times like these. 

And I'll get on with it.

Sea Pods Sneak Preview

Hello out there!  It's been a while....

I've been hard at work in the studio as well as teaching workshops.  I've had two great weekend workshops as well as a fun evening class so far this year.  It's so great to work with interesting creative people!  Especially when I'm used to it just being me and Buster all day every day.  He's super cute and pretty good company, but not much of a conversationalist.  Mark is, of course, around in the evenings, but we're so busy with evening business that, well, you know... time just sort of flies. 

But lately I've been feeling very sea-y.  I guess I just have the ocean in my bones.  I got to go down to Oak Island a couple weekends ago, and it just feels like home.  Nothing quite like the beach in the winter.  So peaceful. 

Buster and Jackson had no problem with the cold water.

So I when I got back home, I started thinking about a new jewelry line.  I'm calling the line "Sea Pods."  It will be with the same five or so colors in keeping with my Reef Jewelry line, but these will be more formed... pod-like if you will.  I think there's a lot of potential with this line, so I'm pretty excited about it.  I finished the first few pieces this week, and I plan to use these for applications to various shows, galleries, etc.  Guess I know what I'm doing this week.......

But without further ado, I give you....

The "Sea Pods" Sneak Preview

I'll post more as I get them done, and please check out my facebook page for quick updates and more previews.  Thanks for reading!



Oh, That Tricky, Tricky Ego...

One thing I struggle with sometimes is comparing myself and where I am in my career with my colleagues.  I imagine this is fairly common within all fields, but I think that perhaps those of us who consider ourselves artists take it maybe a little more personally because we have such close personal ties to our work.  When I read something about one of my contemporaries, maybe someone I went to school with, for instance, and they're having a moment of great success, I'm happy for them (really, I am), but I can't help comparing what I'm doing with what they're doing.  I mean, yes, I feel like I have some amazing things going on right now, but I always feel like I should be doing more, especially in my own jewelry and metalwork. 

photo by Lauren Carroll

Last year at this time, I was working feverishly on my portfolio for my grad school application.  I felt mostly good about my work, and felt like I was moving in the right direction. I only applied to one school, VCU, and it was really the reason Mark and I decided to go ahead and move to Richmond.  When I found out I was third on the list when they realized that they only had the funding to bring two new students into the program, I was disappointed to say the least.  But I decided to reapply in a year, and in the meantime work on my portfolio, pursue my jewelry business, and continue working for my friends at NC Black Co. 

Well, here it is, two months from application time again, and I have so many things going on, I haven't had time to work on my portfolio all year.  I have ideas and sketches for some great pieces, but I haven't made them yet.  And I have to ask myself, why is that?  Why are these other pursuits taking precedent over my portfolio work?  Well, the answer is clear, they're just more important to me right now.  A year ago, I felt like I was moving in the right direction, but this year has presented so many other opportunities, from working on my businesses, CopperTide and CopperDog Studio, teaching in workshop settings (teaching was really the main thing that inspired me to go back to school in the first place), both with NC Black and on my own, plus all my work with NC Black Co. outside of teaching.  I feel like now I'm really moving in the right direction, and it's almost as if breaking from all these pursuits to go back school right now would be counter-productive. 

But I was still torn.

I had a conversation with my friend and teaching partner, Chuck Kennington, about all my feelings on the subject, and he said something that really struck me, "Don't let your ego make the decision for you." 

Yes, I felt defeated when I didn't get into grad school last spring, and there is a part of me that wants to prove that I can.  I want the prestige, and I want the respect of my contemporaries.  I sometimes get the feeling I am looked down upon because I don't yet have my MFA.  But really, what does that matter?  It's just a piece of paper, after all.  The other NC Black teaching team, Andrea Kennington and Les Bryant, are proof that it may not matter all that much.  Andrea has her MFA in Metals from ECU (where I got my BFA) and Les is completely self-taught.  He has taken workshops from masters, but has no degree.  And yet they're doing the same job.  Andrea even told me flat out that having her MFA hasn't opened any doors for her.  You go out there and you open those doors yourself.

Hmmmmm.......... 

So after talking with Chuck and Andrea and Mark of course, and lots of thinking and weighing of options, I've made the decision to put grad school on hold indefinitely.  I'm not totally ruling it out as a future possibility, but it basically comes down to the fact that I just don't need an MFA to do what I'm already doing.  So there's that.

So even though I'm happy with my decision and the way things are progressing in my career, it doesn't mean I don't still feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear that this colleague got into a show that I wasn't accepted to, that one got her own solo exhibition, and this one got published in a major industry magazine.  I'm happy for them, and I respect their work and know that they deserve these things.  But dammit, I want it, too!  So I will just have to turn this little streak of green into inspiration to make time, work harder, and get my work out there, recognized, and respected!

Ready??  Go!!!

The Alchemist

I recently read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho for the first time.  I have no idea why I never read it before, but it's something every artist and every person who is trying to persue their personal legend should read.  Both Mark and my dear friend Lindsey recommended it to me, and I'm sooo glad!

Lindsey and I were talking one day about our job and life situations.  She is a friend from art school, a college roommate actually, and a very creative person.  She recently quit her job to go back to school to pursue a dream that she had always had.  I, however, did not quit my job, but was laid off two years ago.  But rather than rush out and take the first crappy McJob I could find (to be fair, even crappy McJobs have been hard to come by the past two years), I began working for my friends (NC Black Co.) in my field, and began pursuing my dream of being a full-time artist and living an artful life.  Sometimes things happen for a reason.  As the book says, "we must be prepared to have patience in difficult times, and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we might not understand how." 
Coelho says that in order to pursue our dreams we must first overcome four obstacles.  First, we are often told from the time we are children that everything we want to do is impossible.  Our dreams become buried in layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt, and can become nearly invisible, but they're still there.  If we can hang on to the dreams and overcome this obstacle, then comes a second: love.  We're afraid we're hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dreams.  But we have to realize that those who love us genuinely wish us well, want us to be happy, and are prepared to accompany us on this journey.  Once we've accepted that love is a stimulus rather than a reason to not move forward, we're up against the third obstacle: the fear of defeat.  This is particularly terrifying because those of us who fight for our dreams suffer much more when it doesn't work out because we can't use the excuse that we must not have wanted it that badly anyway.  But defeats will happen.  It's just part of the game.  As Coelho says, "The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times, and to get up eight times."  After overcoming all of these obstacles, there comes the fourth: the fear of actually realizing the dreams we fought for our entire lives.  We actually feel guilty for getting what we want because we see all those around us who have failed to do so, that we feel we don't deserve to get what we want either.  We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, and all the suffering along the way, all the things we had to give up.  This is the most dangerous of all because it has a "saintly aura about it, renouncing joy and conquest."  But we must believe that we are worthy of the things we fought so hard for, and that this is the reason that we are here in this world.

And all of this from the introduction?!?  Love. 

The book itself is actually a novel about a shepard boy who meets an old king who tells him about following his personal legend.  The boy sells his flock and buys a ticket to Africa to begin his pursuit, and soon loses all he has.  He has to stop a few times along the journey for various reasons, and he finally meets the Alchemist, who helps him to see things more clearly.  The boy never gives up, though he is sometimes distracted by all the obstacles of life, but he is always, in some way, in pursuit of his personal legend. 

I love this book.  It is so inspiring to me at this point in my life as I try to figure out the best way to pursue my dreams and be the best person I can be.  When I feel myself getting discouraged or frustrated, I think about the message of this book, and it puts me back on the right track - or at least back in the right frame of mind. 

Seriously, go read it.  Now.

Seattle, Just for Fun

I'm always inspired by shapes and colors and things I see around me, so when I'm in a new or interesting place, I generally have my camera in tow.  Now that I've finally gotten most of the business stuff from the SNAG Conference out of the way, I just wanted to post a few fun photos that I took while I was in Seattle.

Seattle in a very cool city with a lot of great things to look at.  I did spend a lot of time at the conference, but I stayed at the home of my friends Ben and Annie (Annie, unfortunately, was out of town that weekend.)  But Ben took me around and showed me some great Seattle sites I might not have seen otherwise.  Thanks, dude!

Here are a few from Pike Place Market (the market of fish-tossing fame).  I was digging the colors inside:

 

This was in a neat artsy section of town called Ballard:

Love the troll under the bridge!  That is a real VW Bug he's crushing.

This was a lovely rocky beach called Golden Gardens Beach right on the Puget Sound:



And of course, I had to get in a couple Space Needle shots:

All in all, a pretty fine trip!  It's great to be around so many talented people in such a beautiful, inspiring city!