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Monday, May 14, 2012

What to Do When You're Feeling Blue

Some weeks are a little tougher than others.  One week I'm all inspired and confident, and the next week I get smacked back down to reality.  Last week was one of those weeks.  I was already in kind of a mood anyway with all the crazy political business (I'm not going to get into that, don't worry).  Then there were a couple of rainy nasty days, and I missed my afternoon runs and going to the dog park.  Then I got a rejection letter for a guild I had applied to.  They were very nice about it... "many applicants... very subjective... not a reflection on you... new jury next year... please try again..."  but still, it's rejection... So then I got a returned package that I had sent to a lovely gallery in hopes that they would want to show some of my work, and by the scribbled handwritten note on my cover letter of "thanks for the information, but we're not accepting new artists at this time," my guess is that they didn't even look at my work.  Would have been nice for them to tell me that on the phone when I called so I wouldn't have to waste my time, materials, and postage, but you know, whatever.....

But stuff like that can shake your confidence a bit.  Which, for most of the artists I know, is often on shaky ground anyway.  Every couple of weeks (sometimes more) I consider quitting this business and getting a "real" job.  I mean, the thought of that makes me a little sick to my stomach, but sometimes it would be a lot easier just to go to work and come home and not have to worry about it.  Not have to put yourself out there constantly just to be told no.  I get sick of being "almost good enough."  What do I have to do to break through that barrier of "almost?"  I realize there will always be someone who is better at one thing than I am or who knows how to overcome another thing... but damn it, it gets frustrating sometimes.  And maybe the easiest thing to do would be to put this on the back burner and go get a full time job. 

But I did that.  And I hated it.  And I got nothing done.  And I felt stagnant and trapped and miserable.

So right now, even though I feel frustrated and less than confident about my work, I am not stagnant and trapped and miserable.  I'm still hopeful.  I still believe that there are all kinds of possibilities out there.  I just have to challenge myself.  I have to figure out how to break through the "almost" to the "awesome."  And it's going to take a shit-ton of hard work and pushing myself, even when I feel like quitting.  And I'm going to consider quitting again.  But then I'll go read The Alchemist and remember, "The secret of life is to fall seven times, and to get up eight times."  I'll look at my pinboard Words to Live By and all the little inspirational quotes I've pinned up for times like these. 

And I'll get on with it.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for that Annie. I think I was beginning to go through that this week and it was about to make me go a little batty.